I lived in Inverness for 12 years and I loved it! I was definitely a Town Mouse. I loved the hustle-and-bustle, the shops, the cafes & pubs, the restaurants, the theatre and the river walks. But now I've left, I can only manage a couple of hours before I long to be home again.

Country Mouse.

When I need to go there, I alternate between travelling by bus or train. Just to mix it up a bit. On Thursday, I opted for bus both ways.

By 2pm I'd had enough and wandered back to the bus station. My local bus had a throng of tourists waiting to board. All bound for Invergordon. Returning to their cruise ship.

They had been allotted less than 3 hours in Inverness. So, just the briefest encounter. Hardly time to lunch, shop & take in the sights from the hop-on-hop-off City Sightseeing Bus. 6 miles further to Loch Ness being just too far for them and way outwith their tight timetable. Such a shame to travel the world to Inverness and then have no time to go Nessie-spotting? : (

Sad face.

Oh, I've not forgotten the challenges of being a tourist in the Highlands. The multiple questions posed to me, like, 'Where do locals buy their cashmere?' (But Invernessians usually make do with acrylic, or a wool mix.); 'Does the B&B have air-con?' (Try unbuttoning your cardie and opening a window?); 'What exactly CAN we do on Sundays then?' (Traditionally, people went to church, visited relatives or had a meal together. Traditionally a day of rest. We are still quite traditional here.) Etc. But nowadays, the concerns of tourists are left on the peg - along with my redundant VisitScotland badly-fitting polyester blouse & slacks, and badge. I'm retired now and have left all that positive customer service malarky behind!

So now I'm able to say, 'I HATE tourists!'

Well, so would you, if you had to stand until we reached Invergordon, 40mins away, as the bus sped along a dual carriageway and negotiated 6 roundabouts! My poor leggies & tootsies.

I remember a time when a man would offer a woman a seat.

Maybe visitors are fearful of Highlanders, or maybe language-challenged, but usually eye-contact plus a nod & a wink gets over that hurdle?

I suspect it's an equality thing. A woman can stand as easily as a man - and there were men standing. Women have 2 supporting legs, just like a man after all.

And I'm all for equal pay for doing the same job. Equal opportunities for women. Progression up the ladder for clever ambitious people, regardless of gender. Jobs left vacant for pregnant workers - coz pregnant men would expect the same, if they could ever become 'expecting'.

But I'm not in favour of mixed changing rooms, or mixed hospital wards.

And let men have their man-sheds, their clubs, their seats at the bar, their back-slapping, their guffawing. Personally, I don't need to be part of all that male pheromone stuff.

Let them keep their heads-under-the-bonnet tinkering, their power naps, their creative engineering, their need to win - even against kids! Yip, they can keep all that to themselves.

For me, they can also keep their footie scores, their off-side rule, their aggregate scores, their innate knowledge of rawlplugs and their quoting of the laws of physics.

[But please let them share their map-reading skills & their ability to know exactly where north is (!)]

Most of all, please don't let them forget their manners.

Don't let them walk through doors in front of me - unless they suspect they have to deal with something scary directly inside.

Don't let them swing doors back in my face - not unexpectedly.

Don't let them drive into puddles to soak me - not deliberately.

AND please let them give me their bus seat - now and again.

Rant over.

x 10 little thank yous!